What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 12:29
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I think the readers, may guess!
Can you tell me a depressing story?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Have you ever been forced to dress like a girl?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I will be 64.
If freedom of speech is absolute, how come it's not applied for private spaces and for the Internet?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But ive been too sick for many years..
What story do you have involving a public restroom?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Has your wife or girlfriend ever been felt up in public by a stranger?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Ive learnt so much.
Did another parent ever tell you something about your child that you didn’t know?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was 9 years of age.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And i lived it daily.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
What is a good habit and what is bad one?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
What should I do if a girl whom I love asks me to be her friend?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Why do the majority of feminists hate men (not all feminists)?
My life is so biszare .
I waited trembling.
Would this be the day?
Is Jp-shares.com a good website for crypto trading?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
When she asked me how she looked .
She found it foreign!.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I could never make a relationship work though!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But it wasn’t much.
I was scared of men, in general
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
It was going to be , some day.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
(And it was in our own minds.)
She married twice! .
I don,t even have a pension.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Im still living with it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I never cut or harmed myself..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She wouldn,t have been !
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My family never makes their pension either.
But, we were locked up after school.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We were not on the streets..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He knew the spot.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She loved him until the end.
So, i spoilt her more .
What did i know ?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One cannot live in the past .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So whats the point in blame.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I have no regrets .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
All the time i was locked up.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Comes on , in middle age.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Especially a lifetime of it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Put me off passion for life!!
I was seconnd youngest,
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
This is soul school!.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We all went to grammer schools
Who then, do I blame.?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was very sick at this time too.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I write beautiful poetry .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I said to her
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was in good health!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!